Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach

Our son's official "diagnosis" if you will, is ADHD non-attentive type and Non verbal learning disorder. While fun and likeable (also smart) is still immature for his ten years. He had never once had a best friend in his class (his long-time best friend is in fourth grade). With the confidence and ability to control that he gained through our application of the nurtured heart techniques, he has made not one but fourfriends in the fifth grade class!!!! He's enthusiastic about school, was crushed not to have made "Responsibility Club" this week (homework snafu) - a problem of prosperity. His teachers have embraced the form I adapted from your book. It's come home everyday with feedback, and in fact the highest scores possible, each and every day (they love the form).

Like many parents, I have tried many, many angles to help our son. Nothing has worked in the past. Implementing the approaches in this book has changed our lives.


If you THINK you need this book -- GET IT NOW!   January 18, 2002
CannedAm (Ontario, Canada)
56 out of 57 found this review helpful

My son was diagnosed ADHD (severe -- and I mean SEVERE), bipolar, and ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) nearly four years ago; shortly after he turned 7. Those first three years were pure hell. Between behaviors, education issues, medication issues, and regular everyday "boy stuff" -- I was losing hope. In my research on these different disorders -- particularly ODD as it was the one I was least familiar with -- I came across rather frightening info -- particularly that ODD that isn't stopped becomes CD (conduct disorder), which basically guarantees a life in prison or as a social
outcast of some other sort for the person in question. That's incredibly frightening for a parent to learn. Not only was my son diagnosed with something that was not very treatable, but if it didn't respond to treatment he was in for a lifetime of hell. I also read that the only thing PROVEN to be effective against persistent ODD is in-home intensive therapy. Well, we did in-home counseling and it didn't do much (more or less parent training, and it wasn't new information at all). I did get wrap-around services for my son, which includes an in-home mental health aid 4 days a week (now it's three, soon to be two). THIS is what worked:

The groundwork I lay as far as behavior management and a positive discipline plan is contained wholly in this book. "The Nurtured Heart Approach" is the *only* approach that I felt good about, was easy to apply, was easy to stick with, and - most importantly - *WORKED*. This behavior plan, which includes a great point system at the end of the book-- was applied religiously and with total disregard for any protestations from my son (and daughter -- she's not got all his diagnoses, but it's a darned good plan and applies to an easy kid, too). Anyway, this plan was applied by *everyone* who worked with him -- at school (it's part of his IEP), at home, when visiting relatives, etc. Let me tell ya -- you *do* notice a difference
right away. It might be subtle at first, but today is one year since I started the nurtured heart approach with my son and he's a different kid. Honestly. His behaviors have been stable for 6 months now. We haven't had an outburst (fit of any kind) in two months. I HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone with a kid who has an ODD, ADHD, or bipolar diagnosis -- or is just plain difficult. My son's oppositional and defiant behaviors are no longer a huge issue. He's as oppositional and defiant as any other kid -- within the "normal" range and THIS is do-able. I can handle everyday, typical defiance -- ODD defiance/noncompliance is a BEAR.

This book and its plan will get you going. I created a short form for the point system that I printed out and used daily to mark off the points earned (bonus points, points for not breaking the rules). At first we used a dry-erase board, but sometimes the rules/bonus items got smudged or wiped off and it became apparent that something easily reproduced was better. I
did point cards on business cards -- printing up a ton of 5 point, 25 point, 50 point, 100 point, 500 point cards. Several months ago we found it necessary to print 1000 and 2500 point cards -- THAT's how well my son is doing.

This plan is the one that worked. We've done 1-2-3 Magic! and several other plans that not only didn't quite cover everything or did not leave a child's self-esteem intact and this is the only plan that I felt 100% good about - in my heart and in my head. AND, this plan covers EVERYTHING. It will work if you follow it and stick with it. And believe me, positive discipline plans are NOT like diets -- not all of them work if you just stick to and with them. Not every positive discipline plan out there works. THIS ONE DOES.

Thank you Howard Glasser!


Your child doesn't have to be the most difficult...   September 23, 2003
33 out of 33 found this review helpful

This book has changed the entire mood of my home. One of my twin boys had a short fuse. I could never tell what would set him off or why. We tried all kinds of parenting approaches: 123 Magic, Parenting with Love and Logic, counseling. They all worked on twin A but not twin B. We couldn't figure it out. Then, we started to think that, perhaps, he had ADD. Late one night, I came across a review for this book on an ADD website. At 2:00 am, a parent is willing to try anything. I went straight to Amazon and ordered it. The results were immediate. Not only does this approach give you simple techniques, it predicts how the child will respond and how to handle it. The thing is, I never would have purchased this book if I had seen it in a store. My child was nowhere near as difficult or active as the kids described in the book. Not purchasing this book would have been my loss. For the first time in a long time, I get my child. I understand what he needs and why. Because I understand, I'm willing to do the things I need to do. It's great being a successful parent.


Excellent!   August 8, 2000
Rexanne Mancini (Studio City, CA United States)
66 out of 73 found this review helpful

After reading Howard Glasser and Jennifer Easley's excellent book, "Transforming the Difficult Child," I felt a surge of hope for the more problematic children in our world. Finally, someone had discovered how to help parents manage difficult children in a positive, loving way and without medication!

Most of the children Glasser and Easley have worked with were taking medication when they arrived at the Nurtured Heart Approach center. These same children are no longer medicated into submission but living bright, successful lives. These children needed a little or a lot more attention than the average child but were being raised with traditional parenting skills that were rendered ineffective because of their ultra-sensitive natures. The parents of these children needed to learn to apply another set of rules to their kids to help them become the wonderful people they were destined to be.

The Nurtured Heart Approach is an easy, rational, beautiful and loving method of building on the successes of children while not giving energy to the negative aspects of their character. This is an approach that can be used on difficult or "normal" kids. I have begun applying these principles to my own methods of child rearing. They work quickly and magnificintly! It's brilliant in its simplicity and effectiveness.

If you have a difficult child or even if you would like to learn a new positive, ingenious parenting approach, I urge you to read Glasser and Easley's book.


Reason to hope:   August 23, 2000
Jane Law (Brooklyn, NY USA)
22 out of 22 found this review helpful

Last night I implemented just the first part of "Nurtured Heart"-- by first observing my two sons (age 10 and 14) and making as many positive statements as I could muster. The result was nothing short of miraculous! "I appreciate your self-control, honey, in not hitting your little brother even though I could see you were very frustrated with him...etc" Simple yet powerful words. My fourteen yr old, who has been diagnosed with ADHD and who is recently off all medicine has consumed us with worry for the last couple of years. He is a challenging, yet very bright boy. So he fits the profile of the child for whom this book is targeted.

However after using the first step in the strategy from Dr Glasser's book, my son went into the kitchen, put his dishes in the dishwasher and then started bundling the recyclables and garbage and taking it out to the cans. He has been responsible for these jobs for several years, but this is absolutely the first time ever, that he has done them without being told to--usually several times. Nothing has encouraged us like this book has and we have engaged in everything from individual therapy to medication--yet in a single week the program Glasser and Easley outline has literally transformed our family.

This book is designed to help parents with kids who are not average--usually bright but intense and helplessly invested in the negative attention there behavior gets them. The basic premise is that traditional parenting techniques ie reward/punishment or lecturing /admonishing just are not effective with kids who are this intense.

The book is explicit and easy to implement--and for once--there is not a hyperfocus on "disorder" and the lifelong "sentence" that implies--the emphasis is on building true self esteem and success with these youngsters with lessons that will help them grow into successful adults. This book upends the dominant trend to medicate first (and foremost) and outlines strategies that have enabled kids to either not start medication or stop Ritalin and other psychostimulants altogether.

This book has certainly given us the confidence to successfully help our son. Thank you so much for writing this book--